Solomon's ring

Sometimes I wish something impossible would happen, just so I could hold on to my dreams longer - my ability to believe. A few days before while I was walking home from school a guy with amusing facial features and orange hair came up to me proffering a card. Almost out of instinct I shook my head at him and walked on. Suddenly I realized that I was losing something - childish belief, trust... whatever it was that made me believe in fairy tales, that let my sense of credulity stay sharp, that allowed the power of immortality to trickle into my conscious - the ribbon that connected me to God. These things that are so important to hoping in life are deteriorating due to my increasing cynism. And hope is the only thing that makes life worth living, right? We're already too far developed mental wise to go back to living instinctivelly simply to live. I wouldn't wish it, for it would feel as though I were cheated out of knowing what it meant. Not knowing that I lived emptily. Yesterday I looked in the shadows hoping a vampire would arise out of it, ready to bite me. Not that I enjoyed the thought of death, but that something existed to keep me hoping. As though by one impossibility I could retain credulity for all the fantasies.
Read "Solomon's ring" for two days. Recommend it. I admire his patience and love for animals. I have not the patience to lie in the grass all day listening to birds make sounds. Something drives me to go forward, however blindly, as if to prove that my days are not wasted. Every time I slow down this voice in my head chirps on and on like some broken recorder "life's so short, so short, so short, so short..."
I'm afraid that I may be losing contact with my friends - or the ability to make our visits 'worthy and enjoyable'.Yesterday my friend wanted to go watch a movie, but I wanted to go to the bookstore - so he went to the bookstore with me instead. It was like we had nothing to say, but I believe it may be due to the fact that neither of us contained the adquate amount of time to warm up our connection. It took me and Tarve about a day and more before we really had a conversation that really opened up our minds, but that was because he was staying with us for the weekend. There are friendships when one can talk on and on animately immediately with nothing really vital to share, while there are some that simply need time. Perhaps I need more patience - and to give more time to people I care about. I find writing the best way to communicate immediately, because it's inspiration, no interruptions that one cane see, and not interrupted feedback either.
Desire is a source of grief.