Chivalry isn't dead, why?
I have an idea that the way males view their gender role in our society is a cultural phenomenom. I wonder if guys in other countries with different cultural backgrounds are faced with the same conflicts? Yesterday in an orientation class for Juniors a question was posed for the male body of our class :Would you help a girl (who is only a friend, not gf) when she asked you even if the request were unreasonable? (ex: I'm stranded in Taipei, I know you're in Kaohsiung and all you have is your ratty motorcycle but I really wish you'd come pick me up.) About thirty percent of the guys said they would help the girl. Do you feel that you just can't refuse any request a girl makes? about 10 % raised their hands. I'm like : Whoa, what's with these guys? Now I know why Mr.Jtung took the bus for two hours the day before the exams to help me with my math - it wasn't infatuation, it was a strange overpowering sense of duty to help this definitely undeserving individual simply because she happened to be a damsel in distress.
Chivalry is sweet. I use it sometimes to judge the decency of a guy though my standards are doubled. For example, if a guy were to hold out the door for me, I would think he were decent. If I scented officiousness - that he was totally focused on me while performing this service - I would think him indecent. If a guy didn't hold open the door for me, I would think him indecent only when he had proven to be completely inconsiderate to the feelings of others; but if he didn't hold the door for me and from his later actions I find that he is an open individual who values equality and freedom I would say he is a decent fellow because the act of chivalry is actually a suggestion of inequality that must later be paid back in some way. (ex: females are to be revered, but also viewed as objects of passion, not creatures capable of initiative equal to a man's). The way to exert control over me is to hold the door for me but do it as a matter of course instead of an objective, immediately returning to business after the act, which would signal to me that this is a responsible, courteous individual who was brought up well. I'm trying to train my brother to have a tint of chivalry because that's what's going to make women willing to be the follower. But not too much so that he'd be a doormat, which he unfortunately already is.
I'm quite unhappy, though. As I've stated in earlier entries, males have domination over leadership in a way that women cannot quite equal. Authority is hard to exert when you're trying to be a role model woman. You can't please men and women at the same time. I felt this inequality keenly today while we were playing group games. I started to make a suggestion and one of the males cut in smoothly to make a statement. I acknowledge the fact that he did good leading, but I also felt the inability to make an impression on the entire group as he did, even if I had the same words, the same gestures, the same attitude. It just wasn't the same. A female does not sound authoritative when she is using a female's sweet, concilatory voice (if she uses a bossy voice she is inevitably disliked), gesturing with her fragile hands... But I guess in a way it was my own fault. I noticed that I tend to let leadership run to others simply because I don't desire the responsibility as much. I become incapable of making strong decisions because there is someone else to do it, so why not let him? But actually I know that I can make the decisions, I just need to know that there is no one else to make them. I'm not so eager to press forward, competing. They say in Taiwan that I raise my hand a lot to voice my opinions, which they consider bold and courageous. The fact is if there were a lot of people raising their hands I may not be the one who is able to take the most advantage of the teacher's resources. In Taiwan I may seem impossibly bold, but in the US these acts would be horribly normal. And so my courage is something that must be put in perspective.
Back to my topic. I'm sure there's somewhere I can read about studies on chivalry. It's been a very interesting topic for me since to me it seems like one of the factors that 's tipping the male/female placement like a blind ritual.
I've also got to get my hands on 'apples and oranges economics' which the economics and even sociologist professors seemed really keen on.
Chivalry is sweet. I use it sometimes to judge the decency of a guy though my standards are doubled. For example, if a guy were to hold out the door for me, I would think he were decent. If I scented officiousness - that he was totally focused on me while performing this service - I would think him indecent. If a guy didn't hold open the door for me, I would think him indecent only when he had proven to be completely inconsiderate to the feelings of others; but if he didn't hold the door for me and from his later actions I find that he is an open individual who values equality and freedom I would say he is a decent fellow because the act of chivalry is actually a suggestion of inequality that must later be paid back in some way. (ex: females are to be revered, but also viewed as objects of passion, not creatures capable of initiative equal to a man's). The way to exert control over me is to hold the door for me but do it as a matter of course instead of an objective, immediately returning to business after the act, which would signal to me that this is a responsible, courteous individual who was brought up well. I'm trying to train my brother to have a tint of chivalry because that's what's going to make women willing to be the follower. But not too much so that he'd be a doormat, which he unfortunately already is.
I'm quite unhappy, though. As I've stated in earlier entries, males have domination over leadership in a way that women cannot quite equal. Authority is hard to exert when you're trying to be a role model woman. You can't please men and women at the same time. I felt this inequality keenly today while we were playing group games. I started to make a suggestion and one of the males cut in smoothly to make a statement. I acknowledge the fact that he did good leading, but I also felt the inability to make an impression on the entire group as he did, even if I had the same words, the same gestures, the same attitude. It just wasn't the same. A female does not sound authoritative when she is using a female's sweet, concilatory voice (if she uses a bossy voice she is inevitably disliked), gesturing with her fragile hands... But I guess in a way it was my own fault. I noticed that I tend to let leadership run to others simply because I don't desire the responsibility as much. I become incapable of making strong decisions because there is someone else to do it, so why not let him? But actually I know that I can make the decisions, I just need to know that there is no one else to make them. I'm not so eager to press forward, competing. They say in Taiwan that I raise my hand a lot to voice my opinions, which they consider bold and courageous. The fact is if there were a lot of people raising their hands I may not be the one who is able to take the most advantage of the teacher's resources. In Taiwan I may seem impossibly bold, but in the US these acts would be horribly normal. And so my courage is something that must be put in perspective.
Back to my topic. I'm sure there's somewhere I can read about studies on chivalry. It's been a very interesting topic for me since to me it seems like one of the factors that 's tipping the male/female placement like a blind ritual.
I've also got to get my hands on 'apples and oranges economics' which the economics and even sociologist professors seemed really keen on.
posted by Mignon Chang at 1:46 AM
3 comments
